Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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