The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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