DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
