i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I forgot how hot balto sounded
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
