does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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