I seem to have left my pride at pride
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
