At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
