The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
