the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
