i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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