I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
