He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Randomize
