Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
