JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
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