you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I want to fling myself into the sun
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
