I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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