if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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