You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
