Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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