my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
