if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
