U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
