I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
