Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
