You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
