I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
