6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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