He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
