I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
