i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
