Got a toothbrush?
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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