i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
