He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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