I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
