i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
The power of my boobs compel you
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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