I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
