i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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