you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
