I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Randomize
