i will never coherently bang her
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
