I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I think your dad took our porno
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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