Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
