My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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