Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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