You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
