This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize