I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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