I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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