Heybabeimwearingurpanties
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
