I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I touched a dick in church today
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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