no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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