Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
