take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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