WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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