Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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