Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
