Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
In other news, I just burned my penis
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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