Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize