God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize