I accidentally burped into my bong.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
