last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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