You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize