so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
i believe in u and ur pee
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
