My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
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