i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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