One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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