yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize