just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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