Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
