dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize