Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
