you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
