party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
